>That guy looks shady as fuck. Beat him unconscious with your pipe and rob him.

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“Wait, stop! Why-what-whay are you-OW hitting me STOP!” The man ‘shadily’ pleads.
“Give me every single one of your monies!” You shout, and your last blow renders him unconcious. Good job. As you rifle through his pockets, you realize he is just as dirt poor as he looks. Big surprise.

>Double back into the porn/ shitty food store and collect anything you can to make the bum more festively colored. See if you can find any slatternly makeup to make him prettier, or at least some lube to wash him off. Definitely combine the shoelace, paperclip, and button to make a friendship bracelet. Maybe add some porn labels (like off of Hot Tamale) or posters to the cardboard hat to make it look more cheery. Once this is done, offer the items to the NPC to convince him to join your quest to find your identity, or food, or a phone, or your sleeves, or some shit. It works in Dragon Age, it can work for you.

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>Poke him in the head with your pipe until he is fully conscious. Be a nice lady and ask if he needs assistance.

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You’ve already poked him in the head with it enough at this point, so you nudge him gently to rouse him. He glares at you.
“Ey why you just hit me?” He slurs, edging away from you.
“Oh, that was someone else! I didn’t hit anyone, I’m just handing friendship bracelets!” You insist, though he eyes you skeptically. None the less, you continue. “Do you need any assistance?”
“Well I could use a dollar.” He mumbles.
“I uh, don’t have any money. Perhaps you will join me on my quest? There may be dollars to gain!”
“No.” He answers simply. You hesitate and reconsider your options.

“Okay, well I’m trying to find my identity, food, a phone, or my sleeves.” You prattle on, counting on your fingers.

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He stares at you as though you’re painfully awkward and strange. You have NO IDEA why. “Uh, well I got no clue who you are, lady. There’s some rats in the alley if yer that hungry. There’s a payphone down on Pussy Lane eight blocks from here and uh… did you just say sleeves?”
You consider this information.

>ask for the nearest IHOP

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You indeed ask for the directions to the nearest House where Pancakes can be procured, Internationally. At this point, he seems convinced that you are completely out of your mind. A glance to the large gash on your head seems to confirm that, with a dull twinge of sympathy for your apparent brain trauma.
“It’s right across from the payphone, can’t miss it. Watch out for the vampires, though.”
You give him an incredulous look. Perhaps your concussion has affected your hearing. “I’m sorry, vampires?”
“Yep. Just order something with garlic on it.” At this point, you are convinced that he’s completely out of his mind.

“Thanks!” you say with a grin, leaving him with throbbing bruises, a make-over, and a friendship bracelet.

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I am VERY SORRY for the massive delay in this comic strip, but I have been working a lot and this is my lowest-priority project, as it’s only supposed to hold people over while I work on Volume 2 of Critical Mass, which I am still thumbnailing the first chapter of, but will be uploading pages to PATREON while I sketch, ink, and eventually color them. The colored pages will be posted here when they’re finished, but the early access sketched and inked pages will be available to PATRONS ONLY.

I also upload other works in progress and exclusive art there, so if this site doesn’t update frequently enough for your liking, consider pledging a couple dollars a month for extra access. 5 dollars gets you ALL the art I’ll be posting on there including the early Critical Mass pages.  In addition, more money on Patreon means less time spent working on freelance stuff in order to pay my bills.